Saying Goodbye to Our Love Story

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a home that included a great example of love. Love that has lasted over 22 years. Through out my life I have witnessed my parents make major sacrifices for each other, grow together, and work towards each others happiness even during some of the most difficult times.

I remember one of the first weddings I attended when I was younger had an anniversary dance. The DJ plays an old time love song and slowly asks the couples that have been married less than a number of years to step off of the dance floor. The last couple standing wins. It means their love & commitment to each other has lasted longer than anyone else’s in the room. It acts as an example for the newly married couple– what they will become, where they should want to be in 50 years. My grandparents were the last two standing, not only at that wedding, but every other wedding I went to after. They would sometimes ask them their secret to marriage and I remember my grandfather told them something along the lines of:

“Promise to one another that you will never go to bed angry, and if for some reason you do—make sure you kiss each other goodnight & tell each other ‘I love you’ no matter how angry you are.”

That day, I told myself that I would find a love like that. A love that could overcome anything. A love that lasted a lifetime. I really thought I had found that love.

Never in a million years did I think I would be sitting here typing this…

 

December 2016 I found out that my husband was unfaithful less than a month after our wedding.

 

I was in shock. Everything became a complete blur. What else was he hiding? What else did I not know? Why? What did I do wrong? Is it me? Is it my body? Those are just a few of the questions that went through my head at the time.

Before I go on, I want to say that I am not writing this blog post to throw my husband under the bus. I am not writing this blog post because I feel like I have to. I am writing it because I want to help others that have gone through or are going through the same type of thing. I enjoy writing and it is an art that I want to continue to share. When I started blogging I chose to put my life out there– to share my experiences. Not just the fun stuff, but the real, emotional, RAW stuff too. I receive TONS of messages every single day, from people who want advice on things I have experienced, someone to relate to, or even just someone to listen. I have so many messages that I cannot reply quick enough to clear them each day. The point is, I am not perfect, my life is BY FAR not perfect. It is easy to assume through the edited pictures & narrated adventures that everything is always okay. But this, this is raw. This is real. This is life. Life throws you curveballs my friends. Darkness can so easily take over in a time of grief & anger. Luckily God will always bring light into every dark situation. You just have to be willing to open your eyes long enough to see it.

The day I said “I do,” I made a promise. A promise to love my husband through every dark time, to fight for our marriage, to do everything I could to make him happy, and to live every single day for the rest of my life loving him and only him. Those vows were not taken lightly. That is why at that point, I decided to give him a second chance. It didn’t matter what others thought. Some called me stupid, some called me weak, but I knew I wasn’t perfect either and wanted the opportunity to work on whatever he wanted and needed me to work on. It was no excuse for his actions but I realized that marriage was not going to be easy and you make sacrifices for each other. I reevaluated our love languages again, I agreed to see a marriage counselor, and I asked him every single day what he needed. What I could do better. Some days were great, some days we felt on top of the world, but more days than not, they just felt harder. He didn’t know what he needed or what he wanted. He just knew he was not happy. I could not make him happy.

I can’t even begin to explain how I felt. I was trying so hard to be something that fit his idea of “happily ever after” since it had apparently changed. The counselor even told me I was trying during times he was not. I felt defeated. Why was I not enough? What can I change? Should I be more like her? Does he even want this? Shouldn’t he be the one trying? I just kept thinking about how my grandmother would give anything to dance to one more old time love song with my grandfather after he passed. How can you let go of your wife when you have the opportunity to keep her?

But that’s the thing—it was not me (which has taken a long time to be able to accept & believe). I did everything he asked. I did everything I could. He had to find happiness within himself before he could ever be happy with me.

In the end, he ended up leaving. Leaving everything we had created behind. He said goodbye to the memories & the plans we had made. He went to find his new happy. Happiness within himself.

The worst part is, I was so devoted to him that I would have done literally anything to get him to stay. And I am not proud of that. I allowed him to control what I wore, how I acted in front of people, etc. He was taking away my dreams as well as my freedom. He didn’t support me performing anymore either. Everything made him so angry, whether it was a stage kiss in a show as a princess, the costume they asked me to wear as a dancer, or the way I had to look at the person performing with me (DURING THE SCENE!). He changed who I was as a person. All the things he knew about me, accepted about me when we got married were no longer okay. I never hid them. It’s not like they came out of nowhere. I didn’t laugh the same anymore. I had friends telling me that they could visibly see my entire body language change when he came around. Like I had to put up a shield to keep him from getting mad. I had to hide who I really was to keep him from getting upset with me. I just didn’t get it.

Now that I am no longer blinded by love it is easier to see that I deserved better. I deserve someone who loves MY flaws. Someone who will do anything they can to keep ME. At the end of the day, I stayed faithful; I loved with all of my heart up until he wouldn’t allow me to, and I became stronger because of him. REMEMBER THAT. Anyone who is going through this or has gone through something similar (whether it is marriage, a break up, etc.)– it is SO important to remember that YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE WANTED. Find some one who treats you right. Treats you with respect. Who reminds you of your self worth. Gives you what you deserve.

If you’re like me, they may have been right in front of your eyes the whole time. 🙂

 

You will never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

 

At first I felt embarrassed by the things I thought & questioned throughout the healing process. I felt embarrassed that he decided I was not enough. I struggled for a while with the thought of what could have been. But I have slowly started to realize that your value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth. That is what got me through. It didn’t happen in a day, it took time, a lot of support from friends & family, and self-reflection. I cried, I laughed, I screamed, and I didn’t sleep. It wasn’t easy to get there but I got there. I promise you can too.

It has been a few months now since we have been separated. We will officially be divorced in August. Not every day is fine, but every day is better than it was. It soon will pass. This is the part where I find out who I am. I would be lying if I told you I didn’t miss some part of what we had. How strange it is that after all that we had, we are strangers again. I have found that I miss the memories, but not the person.

I do want to make one thing clear. HE IS NOT HORRIBLE. HE IS NOT HATED. He is just on the path to finding out who he is and who he wants to be. I respect his decision and I hope nothing but the best for him. I hope that he finds the happiness he is longing for. I WAS NOT PERFECT. I have learned a lot from my past marriage. What we had was real, at some point in some way, it was real–but sometimes things fall apart so that other things can fall together. I have to believe that there is a plan. That everything happens for a reason.

With that being said, I will not be taking down the pictures on my social media. I have no reason to hide that piece of my life. I am proud of who I am and what I have been through. I will not act like it didn’t happen. It is a part of who I am and I will embrace that. As should everyone else that has been through something similar. We are given what we can handle. Although sometimes without choice, but it is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.

Sometimes decisions are out of our control. Life is weird, but we go through what we do for a reason. God will bring light. I promise. Do not give up on him. You are loved. KEEP GOING. A friend of mine told me that during the first few days of hurt and I live by this. If you allow yourself to stop, you will sink. You have to keep going. Keep searching for that light. Do not let the darkness drag you down.

Lastly, I want to thank those that have made this process easier than I ever thought it could be. To those who have reached out. I appreciate you. I appreciate your concern & genuine thoughts and prayers. To my friends and my family. I am EXTREMELY blessed. I cannot explain how thankful I am for you. I couldn’t imagine life without you. Thank you for dealing with my selfishness, my anger, my hurt & my breakdowns. You are my everything. Thank you for picking up the pieces and being my wings when I could not fly.

 

Now it is time to start my story. It is time to rediscover who I am.

It’s time to start Becoming Shelby Morgan.

 

XOXO lovelies,

 

Shelby

 

PC: Laura Murray Photography

13 Comments

  1. So courageous of you to put your raw emotions out there…that’s a sign of your strength! See each new day as part of your next chapter in life. All of our lives are full of chapters…some long, some short, some happy, some sad. Never give up on YOU, because YOU are strong, courageous, and beautiful!!! And you’re loved and admired by sooo many people!

  2. Wow Shelby Morgan!What a beautifully powerful message. I believe your writings will help others. I have gone through a painful divorce when I had 3 young children whom I felt I was letting down, basically wrecking the only world they knew. Although our situations differ somewhat, they are the same in so many. I understand every emotion you mentioned, I understand the questions you ask, I understand blaming yourself, I understand the need for support from family & friends. You are a beautiful talented young lady , but more importantly your heart & soul are beautiful. Your post reminds me of a saying, ” When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is”. Sounds like your headed in this direction. I wish you the best & now it’s time to find your happiness again.
    Proverbs 3:5-Blessings!!

  3. I’ve been in a relationship for 7 years! Then we got engaged and I honestly thought that we will get married! It never happened and I felt so sad that one day I picked up everything what I had and I moved to a different country. By the way, I didn’t have much: a few books, some diplomas and a high desire to survive! I’ve felt lost! I never felt ugly or stupid even if he was the only one who was able to pull the evil out of me! I love being happy and I love people! Not even 2 months later, the man who I thought that it was the love of my life had a new relationship! She was sleeping in my bed, writing at my desk, she had him! He never admitted that he met her before! It took a while to heal and move on! There were mornings of hard crying, of losing hope but I always had my best friend, my God who believed in me and gave me enough to be successful.
    Down the road, 3 years after I’ve met the man who is today the father of my child, the man who I proudly call my husband!
    A man with many imperfections and with unresolved stages in his life will put everything on you. For some men it’s hard to admit that they have a problem.
    I’ve never met you but I saw many of your pictures. I know your future sister in law and you brother. You’re beautiful, your inspirational, you’re an artist and you should not give up on your beauty, on your talent for nobody! God didn’t give to all of us what you have! I bet that you performed as a proffesionist, that you love your job and people can see your passion! Just remember: love never fails! Not the true love! A man who is looking to get sex somewhere else obviously has some issues! First because he can’t talk about it! What’s so hard to talk to your spouse about what makes you unhappy? People don’t realize that it’s not only about them, it’s about hurting the others! I can understand him not being happy but I can understand why he dragged you in his unhappiness!
    Say goodbye to the past because you can’t change it, you can work towards accepting it, learning from it and moving on with a smile!
    And by the way: you’re precious and you’re so young!
    Enjoy your life and your career and you have some great support! Life is getting a lot better because you never know what’s next!

  4. I am amazed at how strong, beautiful, resilient and smart you have become. You made me very proud to read this and your courage is amazing.

    You will be a wonderful mother and loving wife to a beautiful family my dear. Love you always, Miss Roni (Aka Jamie’s mom)

  5. Shelby, thank you so much for writing this. My husband and I have been separated for almost 6 months and your story is so similar to what we have experienced… the unhappiness, the unfaithfulness, the inability to allow me to have a personality and pursue my passions. I could talk for days, but mostly I just want to thank you for being vulnerable and making me feel a little less alone during this dark season. ❤️

  6. Thank you for sharing your story beautiful. I got married to who I thought was the love of my life when I was 25. We had known each other for almost 10 years and had the romantic, fairy tale, movie relationships with break ups because of distance. We ultimately ended up back together and I knew it meant we were supposed to be together forever. We got married legally (only our families knew as we were still planning our actual wedding) and a few months later when I was on my first cruise contract (which he insisted I go on), he called me and said he wanted to be single. I was devasted and immediately went to, “What’s wrong with me,” and “what did I do wrong.” It was a hard, hard road. But, one of my most supportive friends who was always there for me when I was out in the middle of the ocean alone was James. 5 years later and we are getting married next year. I never thought that I would have a better relationship or love anyone after my ex and in the process of my divorce I fell more in love with who I am (after I picked up the broken pieces which only made me stronger 😀) and found a REAL love in James. A REAL life that we have created together and want to love together. I’m so sorry that you are going through this, but you are right, you are so strong and you will come out even stronger on the other side. If you ever need to talk or need anything, please let me know. Remember that you are beautiful, amazing and worthy and your real true love will reveal himself when the time is right. ❤️

  7. I went through the same thing. Three years into our marriage he left me for a girl he met in an online video game. After 4 years of being together and reading Christian devotionals while engaged and waiting to have sex until the wedding, I found out from his ex girlfriend that he had always said he didn’t believe in God. The whole relationship was a manipulative lie.. it was heartbreaking but my life was not over. I am so much stronger and now 6 years later I am engaged to be married again in October. It’s taken me so long to heal from it and to believe in love again and to be able to trust but I am so thankful that God was watching over me the whole time and had this plan for me. I am so thankful for where I am now I wouldn’t change a thing if I could. Thank you for sharing your story.. there are more girls out there with a story like yours than you even know 🙂

  8. I cannot even imagine what it is like to go through this. I applaud your bravery and the fact that you’re willing to share this with us. I hope these next few months continue to bring healing and growth for you as you find your new way though this journey. I’m sure you helped so many going through this process as well.

  9. This was beautiful..I hate that you had to go through all of that, but like you said, it has made you a stronger person! It would be hard for me to move on from what I had thought was my love story. Knowing that the perfect person God had for me was still out there would help ease some of the pain ❤️

  10. Wow. I can totally relate to this, although I thankfully didn’t marry the guy. My longtime boyfriend (high school, college and even a little after college) was very similar to what you’re describing. My therapist says he’s on the narcissism spectrum. You do not need a man like this in your life. I truly believe you are dodging a bullet right now. You didn’t have kids with him and you can walk away from this and start fresh. You deserve to be wholly loved, unconditionally. When I found my husband, I felt like I was living in a movie dream land. Like it couldn’t be real. A man could not love me this much. Here I am 6 years into my marriage and he still is the most wonderful husband. Sure, he gets in bad moods and the kids drive is crazy sometimes, but your grandpa’s advice is something we totally live by. No matter what, we kiss and tell each other we love each other before bed. Even if we are in a tiff. But honestly we really don’t fight that often. Thanks for being so open with your story. You seem like a total gem of a woman and you WILL find someone who fully appreciates your big heart. It doesn’t sound like he deserved you honestly. Praying you find peace and eventually the happiness you deserve. ❤️

  11. Shelby-you are precious, thank you for sharing your story. I wish you nothing but the best. Hugs!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: